hi. this is my first post on this. just want somewhere anonymous i can post my unedited thoughts, and... work things out. i'm getting depressed and not sure why. well, i think i know why, but... i dunno. i can see how this blog is going to be filled with lots of "i"s and whining...
haven't had sex with c for a long time now. i think prob 5 or 6 months? maybe more... we are still very in love tho, just not sure how to initiate it...? or both of us feeling really unattractive to our own selves. you know how you watch porn and it looks great and sexy, but it just makes you think about how ugly you look when you have sex? like your ankles look fat when they are up in the air.
so i've been cfs on craigslist for a while now. not meeting up with anyone gorgeous or anything and no oral nor anal, just jo and kissing and body contact. but in nyc i did meet a really handsome 37yo blond 6' tall nice guy from dc. first time since jeanmarc that i hooked up with anyone and we connected a lil. ...okay, so how come i can meet up with these guys and in bookstores but can't have sex with my partner? these guys make me feel cheap and that makes me feel a lil sexy and naughty.
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