bookstore trip

went to the adult theater on citrus today. only 3 guys and not so good looking. there was a guy from c*stle press and i gave him hj. tall, bearish straight guy in work uniform prob 6" uc. i was there for 1-1/2 hr then left cuz it was so dead. maybe next time.

my behind is bleeding again. ggrrrrr... it started a couple years ago and i used to get really freaked out, like i was convinced i had cancer or something. i still don't like it. it hurts a lil and makes me really nervous about having sex with c. last year i finally went to the doc's and he sent me to do that camera thing. i thought it'd be sexy, but it was really weird. a camera going all the way up into your gut and your are watching your insides and feeling it move inside you at the same time. i think it can only get so deep inside you before it's not sexy anymore. anyway, turned out nothing's wrong, i guess i'm just tender...

punk band does porn. crazy nasty dirty boys . i love the internet.

freehand

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cowboys

has anyone seen these wrangler ads in any magazines? shot by photoer christopher griffith with two x four ad agency out of chicago. i think they are so masculine and sexy, and not in a gay way either.

first post

hi. this is my first post on this. just want somewhere anonymous i can post my unedited thoughts, and... work things out. i'm getting depressed and not sure why. well, i think i know why, but... i dunno. i can see how this blog is going to be filled with lots of "i"s and whining...

haven't had sex with c for a long time now. i think prob 5 or 6 months? maybe more... we are still very in love tho, just not sure how to initiate it...? or both of us feeling really unattractive to our own selves. you know how you watch porn and it looks great and sexy, but it just makes you think about how ugly you look when you have sex? like your ankles look fat when they are up in the air.

so i've been cfs on craigslist for a while now. not meeting up with anyone gorgeous or anything and no oral nor anal, just jo and kissing and body contact. but in nyc i did meet a really handsome 37yo blond 6' tall nice guy from dc. first time since jeanmarc that i hooked up with anyone and we connected a lil. ...okay, so how come i can meet up with these guys and in bookstores but can't have sex with my partner? these guys make me feel cheap and that makes me feel a lil sexy and naughty.